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Tuesday, March 28, 2006 

... Bipolar Ramblings ...

I guess I should tell you I have been diagnosed with Bipolar. I have been going to a Doctor for years and the longer I go the more we learn and now recently my Doctor says he believes me to be Unipolar.

I must tell you that one is a little harder to look up on the internet; there just is not that much out there that I am finding at the moment.

[I understand Bipolar to be a person that has extreme Highs and Lows. Which I do! But I have them –sometimes- together and this makes me feel crazy. So my doctor says that is Unipolar; feeling sad and happy at the same time. Oh my husband says I have this one also. But he tells me I am always mad at someone. Hmmm, maybe I need Therapy.

But it is not like it is going away so I have plenty of time to find out loads of information on exactly what type of depression I have; but I know one thing for sure, I have depression problem.

Today I am finding it hard to get motivated. I feel down-time coming on, or maybe it is here. When I get down, I call them funks. Sometimes I might bounce right out of it, or like other times it lasts about two weeks. Then I am right back to my high running self; this is Mania.

I had full intention when I was on break from college to get my house walls cleaned and just to do over-all spring cleaning. But when the time got here, I am like this not moving fast, just want to sit and read or chill with the TV, or my new Therapy-Blog.

I had a feeling this would happen, I don’t understand everything but I know that I enjoy a clean organized house and during school it is hard to keep it up by myself and study and work. But I feel it is my job to be the Best mom and wife and that means keep house up no matter what else I am doing. Then it is like a voice inside says “They should help” and next thing I know I speak up about them helping around the house and I get the looks and then I feel like a horrible mom/wife for bringing it up and not having it clean. How dare I put work ahead of my child, or school ahead of my husband? How can I succeed in the world if I can’t succeed at home?

… Session time over …

About me

  • I'm Manic-Mom
  • From United States
Married fourteen years, we have one daughter, age eleven and one Fur-kid daughter age fourteen months. more …

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